Are you just going through the motions this holiday season? Are you doing things just for the sake of doing them? After all it is tradition. Or worse, are doing things just to please others so they will stop bothering you?

After a loss, it is only natural to feel disconnected and empty. Nothing seems to matter anymore. A piece of you is missing. There is a void in your everyday life.  You look around and see that life is going on without you. Life as you knew it is over. You are on autopilot, walking around in a fog. You are not aware of what you are doing or what is happening. You do not feel the same and you wonder if you ever will. If this sounds like you this holiday season, it is time to reconnect with yourself.

The one constant in your life is yourself, who you are. You are is still there, under all the pain, sadness and grief. That person is waiting for you to reconnect. What did you do for yourself before the loss? How did you connect with your inner being?

Carve out some time to be alone. Gather your journal, your favorite pen and favorite beverage. Go to your favorite quite spot and set the mood for relaxation. Put on some soft music, light a scented candle and get comfortable. If you are away from home, find a quite, cozy spot. Say a prayer and ask for guidance during this journey, then ask yourself:  What am I feeling? What am I avoiding?

Acknowledge your feelings by writing them down in your journal. Give the raw emotion a voice. Let it come out of the depths of your soul. Are you angry, frustrated, hurt? Who is making you angry, frustrated and hurt? Are you upset with yourself and/or your departed loved one? How are the people in your life making you feel? Do you want to cry but you don’t want to ruin Christmas for everyone? Maybe you feel guilty because for a brief moment you were enjoying yourself?

Accept your feelings without judgement. Practice mindfulness. Be still and let the emotions come. Welcome them, they will guide you.

Allow your feelings to help you reconnect. Now ask yourself:   What do you want to do about those emotions? What do you need to do? Do you need to scream and/or cry? Did writing your feelings in your journal help you let go or do you need to confront someone? How do you want to confront them, in person, over the phone or will you write a letter? Do you need to give them the letter or was writing it enough and you will destroy it? Do you need to forgive someone? Who do you need to forgive? Yourself, your departed loved one, a family member or friend?

Reconnecting with yourself is not easy. It is a lot of work. It is messy and unpleasant. Don’t be hard on yourself. Show yourself some love and compassion. It is also a necessary step to rebuilding your life. You are not alone, I am here to walk along side of you.


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